Relationships and Depression

Do we get depressed because our relationships are hard, are our relationships hard because we’re depressed, or is there perhaps something else going on and we’re totally misinterpreting the feedback we’re receiving and calling it depression instead?

Relationships bring up the stuff we don’t want to see in ourselves.

The quicker you learn to take full and total responsibility for whatever you experience within relationship, the quicker you’ll be able to embrace the deep healing power of relationships.

There's a lot more to relationships than texting!!

My Goodness, This Subject is Way Too Huge for a Single Article

I’m not even going to pretend to be comprehensive here. Love is too huge, too wide, too deep for me to even remotely do it justice here.

So, consider these some incredibly basic pointing out instructions for how relationships and depression intersect.

First off, it’s very difficult to be in a happy relationship if you’re suffering from acute depression. Since a depressed person has basically collapsed in on themselves energetically if not across the full spectrum of their life, there isn’t much energy left over to give to the person you’re with.

If you are depressed and want to harness the power of relationship to help you heal your depression naturally, then you need to build up your energy stores so that you have plenty extra energy to give to your partner.

Relationships Are Not Actually a Root Cause of Depression

Relationships don’t cause depression–you’re thinking about relationships does.

Relationships are here to help us actually heal and resolve all our deep “stuff” including the stuff that causes you to be depressed.

The deep cleaning action of intimate human relations shines a light on all the bits and pieces of yourself you’ve hidden back in your shadow. The brighter the love, the darker your shadow appears and the more your unconscious stuff starts flooding into the spotlight.

This, on its own, can definitely be disheartening and, yes, depressing.

But if you find a way to relate to relationships as a very positive, powerful and helpful healing mechanism for both you and your partner, you’ll be able to contend with the shadowy stuff that comes up much more successfully.

Some Helpful Resources

If you want to learn more about how relationships function as a magnet that draws out our deep wounding and unconscious patterns, I recommend Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix as well as Conscious Loving by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. These books have helped me a ton in learning to relate to the challenges that arise within relationship as the actual healing process working properly.

The Joy of Breaking Up

Breaking up is hard to do. Basically, it thoroughly sucks.

The danger in a break up lies not so much in romantic tumult as an actual cause of depression but in the way you use your mind in the wake of the end of a relationship. Since relationships bring us face to face with all our unacknowledged shadowy stuff, a break up leaves us facing that stuff without the benefit of having another person to help us through it.

Pain isn’t a bad thing. The fact that it hurts to be broken us is simply feedback telling you to feel everything you’re going through so you can come through it and out on the other side.

The many unhelpful and deeply confused ideas our culture has about romantic love certainly don’t help us navigate the trials of loving and breaking up very successfully. It’s probably best to discard the majority of what you’ve been told about what Love is and how it works. Just take what comes and learn as you go based within your actual experience rather than the bizarre myths of Romantic Love.

If you’re feeling depressed in the wake of a breakup, that’s totally normal. It’s expected, even. Just like grief is a natural part of the process of mourning the death of a loved one.

So, I’m ending this quick treatment of romantic love as a potential Root of Depression the same way I began: don’t blame relationship. Don’t resent relationship for making you feel depressed. Instead, embrace the healing power of relationship and how the relationship learning you’ve gone through has actually helped you see things you didn’t see about yourself before.

Relationships are good. They are necessary. They are healing. (If you follow the rules of relationship, that is…it is certainly possible to be in extremely unhealthy relationship situations and if that’s the case for you, then you need to make a major change asap.)

Remember–sometimes the strongest medicine doesn’t taste so good going down. That seems to be part of how the world is designed. No need to waste time wishing it were otherwise. Whether your relationship is difficult and ongoing or whether you’ve broken up and are now navigating all your feelings and confusions in the wake of a relationship collapse, the problem isn’t relationship. There isn’t a problem–there’s just an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself, what you have to offer and where you still need to heal.


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